Have You Ever Told Someone How to Love You?

I was first introduced to Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages by Cathrine Silver who served as my life coach for several years. Recently, I read the book as an assignment for a leadership training program. As I read this great book I began to realize that I had never told anyone how to love me. Of course, without knowing my love language how would I be able to do that anyway?

There is at least a bit of a romantic in each of us and more than a few of us have the belief that if someone really loves us they will just know (fill in the blank here). And when that person does not know it is easy for us to chalk it up as them not loving us. And no matter what we think of ourselves at any given moment there are people in our lives who truly want to love us. But if they do not know how we will hear and get that they love us, their love will never connect and we may feel unloved by them.

As I explored this more deeply in myself I wondered how many people in my life wanted to love me but had no idea how to do it. And how much love in my life had I missed out on simply because I never told anyone else how to love me. So yesterday I did something very unorthodox for me. I would go so far as to say it was outrageous! I went on to my group’s Facebook Messenger page and told my team members my love language and invited them to love me using my love language. I knew I wanted to do this but felt scared and silly at the same time. What if no one responded? How sad would that be for me? But people responded powerfully and lovingly. And I was humbled and filled with joy.

Most of us believe that it is better to give than receive and we work hard at being the best givers we can be. But many of us struggle to receive love. We tell ourselves stories (all lies) that we are unlovable and undeserving and un-whatever. But the truth is that if we don’t learn to receive, no matter how much we think we give to others, we are just takers who rob others of the joy of giving to us. This is not to suggest that we are consciously takers. Being a taker, perhaps in the eyes of one we claim to care about, is simply the result of our choice not to be open to receiving.

My coach Allana Pratt shared a story about Tony Robbins from his early days. He told a man that receiving is the measure of giving. If we don’t allow another the pleasure of giving to us by being a good receiver we are truly stingy, but when we are the space to allow another to express of themselves fully as we receive it fully, we give them the gift of their fullest expression.

So, when you are ready to become a true giver learn to receive selflessly and remember that one of the greatest gifts you can gift another person is to be willing to receive their gift to you. You don’t have to do what I did but I encourage you to learn your love language and tell someone you love how to love you!

Lynn Everard

Please note: The author is not a licensed medical or psychological professional and the contents of this blog and its posts are not to prescribe cures or solutions. The reader assumes all responsibility for using the contents for his or her own edification.

The Power of Intention

As humans we often far underestimate the power of our thoughts. We can think ourselves to greatness or think ourselves to illness, even life taking illness. We deny our power while creating the life we don’t want and wonder what happened. The truth is that we get what we think (believe) not what we say we want. When we understand the power of our thoughts, our beliefs and our commitments, especially to our word, we are standing on the doorstep of the possibility of creating an amazing life for ourselves.

Creating our best life starts with being our word. Being our word is a powerful commitment to ourselves. Gratitude Training teaches this and so does Don Miguel Ruiz in his book, The Four Agreements. The first agreement is Being Impeccable With Our Word. We literally are what we say. When we talk ourselves down and fail to keep our word we sow the seeds of our own life of disconnection and regret. But when we learn to become our word and truly understand the value of that, the path to an amazing life can be accessed.

Living life on purpose, and bringing our dreams to life, starts with pure intent also known as intention. Intention is not a wish. It is a commitment to do what it takes to show up for ourselves in our lives, to stand for who we are. From a metaphysical perspective, intention is far more important than the details of how to get it done. Pure intent means that although we may also be beneficiaries or even the primary beneficiary of what we intend, our deeper desire is for this thing to happen for the good of all mankind. For those who wish to change the world there is only one way to do it. That way is changing ourselves because when we change the world cannot help but change. We are all connected so that when we do the work of changing ourselves everyone else benefits. We become the cause and the world becomes the effect.

Pure intent also requires that we know our why. In one of the most viewed TED Talks of all time Simon Sinek encourages us to start with why. When we meet people we often tell them what we do. But what we do does not matter nearly as much as why we do it. That “why” can also be demonstrated as a personal vision statement. When you tell people your “why” you have told them the most important information you can convey to them which is your purpose. Everything else flows from that. When you know your “why”, how is just another detail that will easily fall into place.

This past week I participated in Gratitude Training Part 2 in Pompano Beach and I personally witnessed and participated in seeing the Power of Intention at work. I learned that when pure intent is in place the details just seem to work themselves out. This may seem to a little simplistic to all of us doer junkies but the Power of Intention should never be underestimated.

If you are ready to put the Power of Intention to work in your life follow these steps:

  1. Know your “why”.
  2. Be impeccable with your word.
  3. Decide what you want to create and make sure it is in alignment with your “why”.
  4. Make sure it is for the good of all.
  5. Put forth your Powerful Intention.
  6. Stand up for it.
  7. Take Inspired Action.
  8. Be prepared to be amazed.
  9. Rinse and repeat.
  10. Enjoy the incredible life you have created for yourself.

Lynn Everard

Please note: The author is not a licensed medical or psychological professional and the contents of this blog and its posts are not to prescribe cures or solutions. The reader assumes all responsibility for using the contents for his or her own edification.

You Are Enough

In fact, you have always been enough. You have always had everything you need right there inside of you to be whatever you needed to be in every moment. There was not ever a time when you were not enough.

Yet for most, if not all, of us, we have been trained, conditioned and told that we are not enough, that we are never enough. Every television commercial, magazine advertisement or pop up ad screams to us about our not-enoughness. Whether it is the new car we just have to have, the latest iPhone or the bright, shiny object of the day, we are constantly being told, “buy me and your life will be perfect!”

On some level, we know that nothing outside of us can make our lives perfect aka make us happy. Happiness is, and always has been, an inside job but many of us would rather not believe that. If you have ever done online dating you know that there are thousands of people ready to recruit you to make them happy. And if you have ever taken the bait you know that you have never been successful and can never be successful at making an unhappy person happy.

So, why do we look for happiness outside of ourselves when we know that we are the only ones who can do it? It is the exact same reason why we buy what the advertisements tell us to buy. Remember that if the ads did not work, either there would not be a Super Bowl or the game would be over before the pizza delivery man made it to our street.
So, what can we do about this and how do we become enough to create our own happiness? Being enough is a belief. You either believe it or you don’t. If you believe it, you choose it and have it. From there, you can make the choice to be happy. It sounds so simple. There must be more to it than that. It is simple. But it may not be easy. And there is the rub.

Becoming enough is both a decision and a process. It starts with the realization that each of us is inherently enough. There is nothing to buy and no mountaintop guru to have to find.

Now, on to the process. The process is a daily, moment by moment clearing out of all the messages that bombard us and tempt us to go back on our belief and decision. The clearing can be done through the use of a clearing statement. A clearing statement is a sentence or sentences in which you consciously decide to clear your mind and your consciousness of the messages that do not support your being enough. You can use your own if you have one or make one up for yourself. Or you can use the following example:

I destroy and uncreate any and all messages that I have received, both consciously and subconsciously, that tell me that I am not enough. I know that I AM enough and have always been enough. I am whole and complete and lack nothing. And so it is.

You can use this as often as you need but can start with once a day and work up from there. I cannot promise that this will change your life. Only you can change your life and only when you are ready. So, if you are ready this will help.

Lynn Everard

Please note: The author is not a licensed medical or psychological professional and the contents of this blog and its posts are not to prescribe cures or solutions. The reader assumes all responsibility for using the contents for his or her own edification.

Source vs. Channel

I have not written in a while. I have been busy learning one of life’s greatest lessons that each of us must learn at some point. In every major area of life there are many channels but only one source. And some of life’s most painful moments come when we confuse the two, even if only for an instant.

There is only one Source of love which is energy which is abundance and everything else that is good in this life. As humans we refer to that Source as God, Allah, Source, the Universe, the Creative Source or the Great Central Sun, to name a few. Whatever we call Source we all essentially mean the same thing.

Channels, on the other hand, are often humans that Source uses to deliver gifts to us. Channels are never the source themselves. But because they look like us and we relate so well to them it is easy for us to confuse the channel with the Source.

One of the places we get tripped up over this is money. Many of us have jobs that provide us with a regular paycheck. So it would be easy to see our paycheck, our boss, the CEO or the owner of the company we work for as our source. But they are all channels. If we are self-employed we might see our customers, our clients or even ourselves as our source. If we did so we would still be confusing the channel and the source. All are channels, even ourselves. Even the state lottery is a channel and not a source.

For many of us, the real reason we do not have in our lives what we say we want is because our inner beliefs are not consistent with or aligned with what we say we want. We might tell others that we want a nicer house or a better car and that would be true. But simply wanting something does not bring it into our lives. In the words of Sonia Ricotti, “We don’t manifest what we want, we manifest what we believe”. And the key belief is that we believe that we are worthy of having what we say we want. If I believe that I am worthy and believe that anything is possible, then I believe that anything is possible for me.

But if I believe that I am not worthy or deserving of what I want then I will “think” or push away from myself that which I claim to want. Byron Katie says that “A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.” ― Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

The secret of having what we say we want is in believing that what we want is possible for us and that we are worthy of it. So if I don’t have what I want there are two things I must address. First, I may need to change my beliefs about what the true Source of all of that is good is actually capable of delivering to me. Second, I may need to question everything I believe and find those beliefs that are not true but which I have chosen to make true for me.

When I can truly say that I believe in limitless possibilities and that I am entirely worthy of each and every one of them, if dissolves to when and wishing and hoping evaporate into a knowing in the heart that is so deep and so real that we can allow the good we seek rather than frantically chasing it because we know that it is already done.

Lynn Everard

Please note: The author is not a licensed medical or psychological professional and the contents of this blog and its posts are not to prescribe cures or solutions. The reader assumes all responsibility for using the contents for his or her own edification.

The Most Important Resolution You Can Make This Year

Happy New Year! We are on the second day of the 2016 and no doubt by now countless people have made their resolutions for this year. And it is likely that some have already given up on it.

We all have things about ourselves that we don’t like. For many of us it is our weight and so we dutifully resolve to lose weight this year like we have every other year. We so want this to happen and all of the companies who want to help us are filling our television screens with their ads. We have seen it all before. We start out so determined and then somewhere along the way we go off the rails.

If you have run off the rails more than a few times I am right there with you. Every diet works, more or less. But deep down inside we all know that eating less and exercising more works. We just don’t always do it. So each year we become more resolute than the past year when we gained instead of lost.

We also know that our addictions or lack of motivation goes deeper than decisions to lose weight made when we are just one more Christmas cookie away from all of the buttons on our clothing popping all at once. Have you ever noticed how much determination you have to lose weight when you can barely move after one more holiday feast? We are all brave then. But then the first of January rolls around (and so do we by then) and we are not really feeling it. So what happened?

I am not a doctor or a psychologist or a scientist. But here is what I think is going on. Our resolve to lose weight is likely not based on loving ourselves. It is far more likely that we are making those resolutions out of contempt for ourselves complete with recriminations, guilt, shame and fear. And we know that does not work. Oh, it may work for a while but not for long usually.

My resolution this year is to love the parts of me that I think are unlovable and that includes my weight. I have never done this before and I cannot promise where it leads. What I do know is that the most powerful weapon we have is love. And maybe it is high time we aimed it at ourselves. And whatever your issue or addiction is I invite you to join me.

Lynn Everard

Please note: The author is not a licensed medical or psychological professional and the contents of this blog and its posts are not to prescribe cures or solutions. The reader assumes all responsibility for using the contents for his or her own edification.

Don’t Just Give a Gift, Be a Gift

Christmas is only a few days away and the stores and web sites are filled with people looking to find that perfect gift for everyone on their list. While this time of year is meant to be joyful, for some there is real pressure to validate their love and/or who they are in the gifts they give. Perhaps you are one of those people who wants to make a champagne impression but you have a Boone’s Farm budget. As the days tick off you are feeling the pressure build and it is like a knot in your gut.

But what if the most perfect gift you could give required no budget, no risk of an overdraft on your checking account or no depression when the credit card bills hit in a few weeks? And what if that most perfect gift was already in your possession and did not require going to malls or waiting for a web site to come back up after traffic caused it to crash? You already have the perfect gift. In fact, we all do. It is YOU! And it is US!

Whether we know it or not we are the perfect gift for ourselves and everyone on our list. Whether you knew that at one time and just forgot or no one ever told you the gift that you are, it is true. You are a gift. And when you realize that you are a gift and begin to see yourself that way and treat yourself that way, something absolutely incredible happens. The people you talk to and come in contact with can feel it too and they begin to treat you like the gift that you are. And as good as that is, it gets even better. Because when you are a gift others can begin to see themselves as the gift that they are.

A word of caution. When we talk about being a gift we are not talking about some egotistical exercise. We are talking about simply seeing ourselves the way that God, Source or The Universe sees us and loves us. God loves each of us and is not wrong for doing so.

There is nothing wrong with giving gifts and looking for that special gift can be a fun experience. But this year why not see yourself as the gift that you are? Don’t just give a gift, be the gift that you are! Merry Christmas to all.

Lynn Everard

Please note: The author is not a licensed medical or psychological professional and the contents of this blog and its posts are not to prescribe cures or solutions. The reader assumes all responsibility for using the contents for his or her own edification.

Holiday Blues

We made it through Thanksgiving and now the December holidays are upon us. Perhaps no other time of the year brings with it the almost infinite swing in the pendulum of emotions. As children we loved the holidays and they could not get here fast enough. The anticipation surrounding the gifts we would receive was both delicious and addicting. We wanted it to be December all year long.

But as we got older and experienced the realities of life things became a bit more complicated. We began to be aware of old family rifts and the sadness of facing the first holidays without a close relative or a dear friend. And as much as we could not wait for the holidays as children many of us as adults face this time of year with a certain dread. Ironically, the pain we managed to hide all year decides to come out now at the very time we are not supposed to feel any pain at all. In fact, we are supposed to be happy. Not just happy, but childlike happy. But that is hard to do if you have children with wish lists far larger than your bank account can cover. In my own life many years I lost my dream job in October. I had no severance and no job prospects. I did have a wife who worked very hard and two children who loved Christmas. I remember taking everything that I could think of and putting a price tag on it. I held a garage sale and made enough money to add to what some friends provided to us to give those two wonderful children a great Christmas.

The prospects of seeing relatives we don’t get along with, dealing with the loss of a loved one or seeing a loved one we are about to lose can leave us feeling ungrounded or stuck in emotional quicksand. The truth is that we have no control over what happens in our lives or in the lives of those we care about. But we do get to make choices. We can choose to love ourselves and let that expand to everyone around us. We can choose not to open old wounds in ourselves or in others. We can choose to honor the memory of those we loved and lost by loving the people they loved. And we can choose to love those who are in the process of leaving us by not being afraid to talk with them or touch them. When we love without needing to be loved in return we then reclaim the children who have always been inside of us who are filled with love and joy and we can then share a truly Happy Holiday with them. If we will allow ourselves to sit quietly with that thought we will realize that is who we really are and it is all that we have ever wanted. And in spite of what anyone says it is truly a gift we can give ourselves. And here is the magic, when we truly love ourselves we help other people feel like it is okay to love themselves. And then our world changes for the better just a little bit more. So why not love yourself a little more this year? It may be the biggest and best gift you can ever give to the world.

Lynn Everard

Please note: The author is not a licensed medical or psychological professional and the contents of this blog and its posts are not to prescribe cures or solutions. The reader assumes all responsibility for using the contents for his or her own edification.